I’m too busy.
Nobody else can do it as well as me.
I can’t trust anyone to do the job.
Proclaiming these statements on repeat, eventually, I couldn’t tell if they were complaints or if they had become my mantras. I developed these beliefs while working in corporate, and in a twisted way, they eventually became a part of my identity.
If I were to grow as an entrepreneur, I would need to evolve from my busy-making mindset and become more strategically focused instead.
It wasn’t until I started my own business that I realized how my old beliefs were holding me back from excelling as an entrepreneur.
During the first two years of starting my business, I did everything. Social media posts, admin, web updates, PR… no task was too small or too big.
I was bootstrapping my business and couldn’t fathom paying someone to do the things that I could, nor did I trust that someone could execute as well as I could. Neuroticism aside, there was also a sense of importance and superiority I felt by being busy all the time. Having worked in corporate for a decade, I picked up the habit of exclaiming how busy I was as if it were a badge of honor.
I thrived off the adrenaline and cortisol of a never-ending workload and maniacally checking things off my task list. I felt special by proving my value as an employee by taking on more than I could handle, and doing it faster and better than my peers. That mentality made me a great worker bee, but it kept me in the mindset of an independent contractor at best. If I were to grow as an entrepreneur, I would need to evolve from my busy-making mindset and become more strategically focused instead.
I also needed to reevaluate my way of doing things as I was moving from the launch stage of my business to the growth stage. There are characteristics that work in your favor as an entrepreneur when you start out, such as being meticulous, highly efficient, and passionate. But those same characteristics can be the very things that stunt your growth in the later stages. It’s a fine line between being meticulous and being controlling, being efficient and being impatient, being passionate and being neurotic. I was so stuck in the business, I couldn’t step back to see what side of the line I was walking.
My company hosts breakup bootcamps — multi-day retreats for the broken-hearted. Inspired by my own traumatic heartbreak, my story of love, loss, and rebirth was just the type of hero’s journey the media ate up. I created a brand around being a breakup expert, and produced and led workshops at each retreat. This is a lot of work for one person, and I couldn’t figure out how to scale the business because I thought I had to be the one running them.
When you’re running a startup, it’s easy to get so stuck in the weeds that you can no longer distinguish between what is good for your business vs. what’s good for your ego.
After all, I had an “it” factor. It was me who turned my heartbreak into a business, it was me who was featured in the media, it was me who started the company. Me. Me. Me! I was irreplaceable. Right? Right? At least, that’s the excuse I told my business coach when she asked me why I wasn’t hiring and training people to replace me. After she asked me some probing questions, I came to the shocking realization:
I’m not that special.
Gulp.
Hanging on to the idea that I had some elusive “it” factor was really just a figment of my ego. What was “it” factor anyway? Was it some magic power bestowed to only a select, special few? Or was it something that could be broken down and brought out in raw talent? I realized it was the latter. I distilled the all-elusive “it” factor down to a few key characteristics: someone who is undeniably passionate, confident in their expertise, and 100% certain of their mission in the world. That’s the secret sauce of having an “it” factor. It’s this force of energy that is felt in a person’s presence. The rest is trainable.
When you’re running a startup, it’s easy to get so stuck in the weeds that you can no longer distinguish between what is good for your business vs. what’s good for your ego. Reframing my relationship with time was the first step. Acknowledging that “it” factor can be brought out in the right talent was the second. But the real test was actually hiring people, investing in their training, and, the hardest part of all, being okay with less than perfect.
I had always taken pride in being a perfectionist. I had high standards for myself and expected the same of others. I scoffed at mediocrity and demanded greatness — from myself and anyone I worked with. While this obsessive approach can be helpful at a certain stage of starting a business, it’s not realistic, nor healthy.
I realized that this mentality was a coping mechanism learned in childhood. The daughter of a busy entrepreneurial father, I was always trying to earn his love and approval. Overachieving and being perfect was my reaction to feeling insecure, inadequate, and unloved. This worked wonders to help me get high grades in school, climb the corporate ladder, and eventually start my own business. But like my other habits that served me for a specific stage in life, perfectionism was now holding me back, not moving me forward.
What I love the most about this entrepreneurial journey is that personal growth goes hand in hand with business growth. Starting a company has inspired me to update my outdated beliefs and habits because they translate into the foundation and soul of the brand. Without taking the time to pause and reflect, it’s easy for the ego to take the lead, distracting you from the original mission. And if you are trying to build a business to last, letting your ego get in the way is a recipe for certain failure.